"King of the Ooze (Concept Version) by PB&TAT (Roast & Inter-Review)
- DVD Lion Den
- Nov 22
- 19 min read
What’s up, gamers. Happy whatever day it is. I’m CD-ROM Rabbit Hole’s arch nemesis, DVD Lion Den. My whole shtick is that I hate music and hope you all die. With incredible hesitations, I regretfully inform you all that the dickheads over at PB&TAT have finally won the battle with streaming platforms, distribution sites, and perfectionism. After nearly seven years of eating hot chips and lying, Brian has finally gotten off his ass and released a full album. “Oh, wow, that’s so exciting” you’re probably thinking. Well, no. All he has done here is rehash the same slop he released in 2019 and just because he changed some of the track names and became an FBI’s Most Wanted, he thought we wouldn’t notice. WELL I NOTICED! YOU CAN’T HIDE YOUR TRICKS FROM ME, BOB! Just keep beating this dead horse for as long as you possibly can; we’ll definitely support you forever. November 14th was the official release of the CONCEPT VERSION of “King of The Ooze” by PB&TAT, whereas the standard edition was released on October 10th, 2025. I can’t believe we’re covering two “King”-related albums back to back (but the one from Dikembe is much better). Let’s dissect this flaming pile of shit.
Sound Check:
This deluxe album includes a bunch of filler “skits” in between songs. Basically, what these are is just padding to make the deluxe album feel more “deluxe”. It’s a cheap, poorly-constructed, capitalist ploy to bleed your wallets dry. PB&TAT only makes music for the sake of getting rich and taking over the world, and to single-handedly ruin my life specifically. This song sucks, instant skip. Next question.
A Song for Bob:
CD-ROM already reviewed this song, TWICE (three times if you include the terrible Strangeness In Proportion cover)! No one cares anymore OH MY GOD no one cares. There’s a music video for this song that kind of works like the VHS tape in “The Ring”, anyone who watches it dies within a week. So if you wanna check that out, be my guest. But I’m not fuckin’ around with any ooky spooky shit.
Plant-Based Propaganda:
As a cannibal, I have no problem with the concept of PB&TAT saying “stop killing animals, you asshole.” I eat people and only people. What IS an issue for me is the idea of a plant-based diet. I don’t fuck with plants. I don’t fuck with nature. Scurvy doesn’t have SHIT on me. Okay, but in all seriousness, Thanksgiving is coming up soon, so maybe reconsider your turkey this year and just eat a person. A twenty-pound turkey is not going to do anything for your hunger compared to a human being that weighs two-hundred and eleven pounds. Just food for thought, and thoughts about food. Oh shit, I’m supposed to be “reviewing” this song or something. I dunno. Shit sucks; what did you expect me to say? This song is nearly four and a half minutes long, which is about ten minutes too long. The song opens with some muted strums of an acoustic guitar and what sounds like a Theremin but if the performer of it had never used, or even SEEN, a Theremin before in their worthless life. Then we’re greeted with the incredible whines and orgasm sounds of Brian, probably yapping about milk, or cum, or cumming in milk. Whatever, dude. It doesn’t even matter anymore. None of this matters and it never has. It’s crazy to me that this man released this album in 2019 and it sounded like shit, and then he recreates it and re-releases it many years later, and it still sounds like shit. Will Brian ever learn how to sing? Will Brian ever learn how to play guitar, or banjo…or write songs? Me being forced to listen to this trash is actually fascism. In case you heard “A Song for Bob” and thought to yourself, “I really like this song, but I’ll be so disappointed if the rest of PB&TAT’s music isn’t all about him preaching at me!” then rest assured, this is what you get. In 2012, I happily jumped on the Bacon Bandwagon. I would draw a little mustache on my pointer fingers, wear “I Heart Boobies” bracelets, and constantly talk about bacon even in scenarios where it wasn’t relevant or made any kind of coherent sense. #bacon4life gang. Rawr xD uwu. I hate this fucking song. I hate my fucking life.
Locked and Loaded (But Too Lazy to Pull the Trigger):
OH GOOD! A SONG ABOUT MASTURBATION! Just what this country needed. This song should be studied in school sex-ed classes, and it should be used as an incentive to stop interacting with men. Maybe we could eradicate all men if we just get this song in the earbuds of women and non-binary folks. Thank God this song is shorter than the last one because that means I can write less and also I don’t have to listen to it a thousand times. Also, the most ethical way of listening to this album is on Spotify because, that way, we can guarantee that PB&TAT never see any money for this. They are a bunch of Antifa war criminals that should be thrown off of skyscrapers. This song begins with the brilliant lyrics,
“Well, I'm feelin' so horny right now
And I'm the only one left in the house
My hand's on my zipper and I can't wait
To touch myself without a doubt”
Wow, riveting commentary on the male loneliness epidemic. Why the fuck did I decide to hack a music review website? This shit sucks. I hate music, if you can even call this music. This was very poor planning on my part. I wish Brian would die. I really do. I wish I would die. I can’t keep finding myself in these musical predicaments. There’s nothing to say about this song. Just another WHITE MAN trying to MANSPLAIN to us with HEINOUS POTTY-MOUTH that men are lazy sacks of shit that like to spill their seed anywhere and everywhere. This rhetoric has done irreparable damage to the patriarchy and mankind as a whole.
REDACTED:
This is the best song on the album, because it is only sixteen seconds long, which makes it so close to being a bearable listen. However, this song is purely just damage control from PB&TAT and trying to appeal to the woke mob. Brian notoriously hates women and was actually caught outside of a Chick-Fil-A on March 18th, 2014 rubbing his ass on the windshield of unsuspecting, innocent homophobic-chicken-eaters. I have personally seen Brian verbally attack his grandmother on multiple occasions. This song is a cheap façade to make us forget the evils of PB&TAT.
“Frick! It’s a Barre Chord!” in the Key of 2nd Fret:
This song warrants some line-by-line analysis. Just like the others, this song sucks, too. But let’s really get into the nitty gritty of why this song smells like baby diarrhea. “If you’re here and you're still listening, I hope that means you think it's fine” wrong and incorrect. “That I play power chords and sing melodies that a three-year-old could write” this is true. “It takes a least a couple hours to get a take I think is fine” this shit took Brian YEARS to create and THESE are the best takes? Insane. “And when I can't sing real notes I just shout out on that line” bro has never sung a single real note in his entire blasphemous life.
“Oh, why aren't I talented?
I wish I were talented
But I'm not
I'm not
Why aren't I talented?
I wish I were talented and hot
But I'm not
I’m only hot”
Brian finally put aside his ego and was able to acknowledge that he sucks shit at sucking dick and can’t carry a tune to save his life. But he had to undermine the impact of that revelation by adding in a little fun fact of “I’m only hot”. Jamie, pull that up. ChatGPT, fact check this for us. Oh okay, results are in: Brian from PB&TAT is objectively NOT hot, unless you’re into violent men with a Napoleon complex that looks like a permanent twelve-year-old. I’m tired of this propaganda and misinformation. It’s all fake news.
Public Display of Affection:
This is the most sinful, sacrilegious song I have ever heard with my own two ears. Brian has never had sex, and I will ensure that he never does. After listening to this song, I went on Amazon dot com and personally messaged Mr. President Bezos to send a chastity belt and a dog shock collar to Brian’s home address (4810 Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90027) and forward the invoice to his banking institute directly. This song singlehandedly made my virginity grow back. My personal vendetta against this song revolves around the fact that I don’t feel properly represented. There is a severe lack of cuck, coprophilia, electrostimulation, lithophilia, and kleptolagnia. Why can’t a simple man get off to stones and gravel? This world is so fucked up for a guy like me. I think I’m deciding to go Mormon because I love the idea of soaking. I just want to lay there while everyone else does the work. This is the incel anthem of the century and I stand by that wholeheartedly and indefinitely. Ben Shapiro was really onto something when he said his wife never gets wet. I showed this song to my mom and she disowned me. I showed this song to my grandma and she was feeling it, not gonna lie. Granny got eyes for PB&TAT. Do you think Brian would go for an older woman? Remember back in the good ole days of 2012 when everyone was doing the cinnamon challenge? I think the existence of this song can be directly linked to the cinnamon challenge, it’s a clear cause and effect. No, I will not be elaborating. But, what I will say is, I think we need to bring back the Tidepod challenge but it’s actually just all the members of PB&TAT drowning on laundry detergent. But, now that I think of it, after hearing this song, they might actually like that. No good. No good at all.
W.W.W.J.D.?:
Okay, now after the absolute atrocity that was the previous song, I finally have something to latch onto. “W.W.W.J.D.?” stands for “What would white Jesus do?” and I am a big fan of white Jesus. White Jesus is my personal Santa Claus and he will save us all. Obviously, every good story needs a white knight, white savior. This song makes huge waves for the alt-right, uber Catholic crowd. I mean, just take a look:
“Well, Jesus loves shotguns
And American flags
But he doesn't like foreigners and he doesn't like…gays
Yeah, he prefers women
God's definitely straight
I know this because I feel the exact same way”
I really feel seen here. I’m starting to change my tune on PB&TAT after all. In no way, shape, or form would PB&TAT ever be making fun of anyone that thinks this way. The beautiful strum of Jesus on the acoustic guitar, the heavenly harmonies, it almost brings a tear to my eye; but I don’t cry, because I’m a big strong man. This song really poses a critical question that more people should be asking. I mean, really, what would white Jesus do? I’ve listened to this song exactly one-thousand, eight-hundred and twenty-two times, which perfectly coincides with Leviticus 18:22. I think it goes something like this:
“What would white Jesus do?
Who criminalized prostitutes?
What would white Jesus do?
If I think it's icky, so should you”
Prostitution is a SIN! Women are evil creatures that are fueled by Gay and Abortion. Anyway, I gotta wrap this up, I have Discord Kittens and Onlyfans girls waiting for me.
One-Party System:
I don’t know what in the fuck Bowling For Soup ass song this is but I do NOT like it! I am back on my hating train. PB&TAT needs to stick to annoying extremist political folk-punk instead of whiney pop-punk boner music. This song opens up with the lyrics “listen up, you little fuck”. NO, YOU LISTEN UP, BRIAN! I WILL EAT YOUR SKIN AND KIDNAP YOUR GRANDMOTHER. THIS IS A SERIOUS THREAT AND I HOPE YOU CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES ABOUT IT! I can’t goddamn believe I still have more of this album to review. This song apparently features someone named Gutter Creature, I have no idea what they contributed to this song but, whatever it was, it sucked eggs. This song smells like fifty-year-old men that flirt with sixteen-year-olds. I’ve had enough of this goofy shit. I’m so sick of PB&TAT preaching at me about shit I don’t understand. I mean, come on, I do my own research. I know what I know and don’t know what I don’t care about. I want to be left alone to watch my Fox News and root for fascism from the comfort of my four-thousand-dollar recliner that I’m still paying off (it only had thirty-three percent interest). This song sounds like some garbage my kid would play on an iPad and it makes me want to die. This is not the type of media my children should be engaging with, my children should only be watching police brutality and beheading videos. Ever since I was old enough to vote, way back in 1927, I’ve been voting red, and red is my favorite color so why would I change my mind for these woke donkey snowflakes? I want my political parties red, I want my politicians redder, and I want the Red Scare to end. Communism makes it so confusing on when I like red and when I don’t and I can’t wrap my head around it. Existence is pain. I love Sarah Palin. The only part of this song I enjoy is that it calls out these LIBERALS for being fake poser sell outs and I HATE liberals!
The Holy Book:
Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. This song is entirely about male ejaculation at the hands of the bible, and that’s something everyone can relate to. Personally, I did opt to be chemically castrated at birth, but that libido doesn’t lie.
“I have a strange obsession with the Holy Book
Just a couple pages in and I'm about to squirt
I just get so turned on when I read Genesis
I accidentally jizzed all over Leviticus”
Name a single week of your life where this hasn’t happened to you. Be honest. Despite how much I resonate with these lyrics, I still am an enemy of the music. Once again, there’s absolutely zero skill, effect, or care put into the acoustic guitar playing. The melodica is a made-up nonsense instrument made for infants and people in their thirties that haven’t showered in a decade. The melodica is legitimately a device put on this planet by Satan. A lot of the lyrics in this song are words that no one needed to hear Brian sing. I’ve never, in my entire life, yearned for Brian to sing the word “squirt” to me; now that it’s happened, I think I might just die. I might jump in front of a speeding semi. This is my first review of my life and I genuinely think it might kill me.
“I want to have an orgy with the New Testament
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John all sucking my dick
And when I read Exodus I get so fuckin' hard
The Red Sea won't be the only thing that Moses parts (It's me!)”
I have some direct issues with these lyrics. Now, PB&TAT, please explain to me how someone is supposed to have an ORGY with a BOOK! If you’re going to be nasty, vile, and disgusting, at least make it make sense. You say that Matthew, Mark, Luke, AND John will all be sucking your dick? I have a few problems with the implications of this:
Are they all sucking your dick at the same time? Because, buddy…fella…let me tell you…it simply is not big enough for the mouths of four men. It is anatomically and scientifically impossible.
Okay, so maybe all of these men are sucking your dick by taking turns. How much cooldown time is there in between? Is it one right after another? Does each person allow you to reach climax? I don’t think your tiny body could handle that. Myth busted!
I hate you and everything you stand for.
King of the Ooze:
Thank Holy fucking Jesus goddamn Christ, this album is almost over and the final “official” track is not even a full thirty seconds. God, make my life easy for once, BOB! And in case you were worrying, “I’m worried the album finale won’t be about male excrement from the penis!” then fear not, because of course it fucking is. Not only is the final song about cum, the whole damn album is named after it. This half-a-minute song isn’t even worth my time to talk about. Here are the lyrics so YOU, degenerate fucks, can analyze it yourselves.
“King of the Ooze, thick and holy splooge
Shower us with grace, baptism on the face
Deliver us from Bob and his fascist mob
Bless those who bear witness with thickness
May all thy serpents throb”
The other shit
Alright, earlier in the review I alluded to the fact that this is the CONCEPT EDITION of “King of the Ooze”. That means there’s just a bunch of filler bullshit that PB&TAT are going to try to play off as some sort of deep, woke performance art. It’s not. It all sucks. But I thought we’d do a quick lightning round for each of these “concept” tracks.
No Ethical Consumption Under Veganism: Terrible.
Tuning Break #1: Atrocious.
God’s Mightiest Soldier: Blasphemous.
Pay What You Can (Sober Space): Smells AND tastes like cigarette butts.
Tuning Break #2: Monsters Unleashed.
Testimonial: I need confessional after listening to this shit.
Tuning Break #3: More tuning.
The Melodica Song: You already know my feelings about melodicas.
Super PACula Flow: “Slinging dick like John Fetterman”
The Gospel: I peed my pants out of sheer emotion.
Joy to the World: “Gerald” 0/10 name.
Strike (Hard Cut-Off Time): “The Lord has come” or “the Lord has cum”? If it’s the latter, does that mean the Lord ejaculated or does it mean that the Lord physically has cum? Please explain. Show your work.
Yep so that’s twelve songs that simply don’t need to exist and don’t need to be heard by any other pure Christian ears. I can’t believe this was the review I decided to hack into. I’m all about patriotism and ‘merica, but this album makes me hate this country because how could we allow such a person to be conceived and allow them to grow up into a very short adult man and release these terrible, terrible songs? I will never understand and I don’t think I can ever forgive this world. I hate you, Brian. I hate you PB&TAT.
Anyway, stay tuned for our post show where Brian and I have a fantastic, intellectual conversation. Thanks for reading! I took six Vicodin to finish this review.
Interview:
Hey. Brian! It's terrible to have you back. I know this album includes re-recorded versions of your older songs; what made you decide to completely remake the album and rebrand to PB&TAT?
Brian: Thanks, it’s terrible to be here.
Really, I just wanted to give this album a proper release. When the album dropped, it was mostly an inside joke between my friends and I, and more of something I did to entertain myself. I underestimated how many people would resonate, you know, given that Bob was just some guy I fuckin’ hated. But people have their own “Bob” they fuckin’ hate, so the more I played out, the more I started building an actual fan base. That was never really my intent.
Anyways, once the project started picking up traction, I started running into all sorts of issues on account of the word “Taliban.” So, really, rebranding was more of a survival tactic than anything…but it also solved a separate issue that pushed my bandmates and I even further towards making the change. I think we’ve talked about this before, but a lot of people assumed because of the band name and my place as the frontman that I was Bob. That becomes a pretty big issue the second we start singing “Bob hates minorities” to all the people who now think I’m a now Nazi. I’d get to the venue and people would be like, “Oh hey, it’s pastor Bob!” and I’d have to be like, “no, no, Bob hates minorities. I hate Bob.” I feel like I’ve spent more time explaining the name than I have making music so the rebrand was partially to minimize that, too.
I like the original concept behind the name, and that still lives on through the concept version of the album. You could say that’s the last relic of my…origin, I guess.
How long did it take you to complete this deluxe edition, from the first thought of starting from scratch, all the way to today now that the album is finally released?
Brian: Way too long. I think I started the process with Deadstring Audio in early 2024. Coordinating between all the voice actors was kind of a nightmare but I was personally dead-set on the skits and the story arc. I wanted to give the album a real community theatre sort of vibe, something you could imagine doing with your friends to make each other laugh. Not everyone shared my affection for musical theatre though so I made a default version for the folks who just want to throw on a punk album. The concept version is where my heart is though.
Were there any songs in particular that you were especially excited to redo? Or any that you were dreading? Which ones, and why?
Brian: I was really eager to re-do One-Party System, which originally had some lyrics that aged poorly in my opinion. I stand behind the sentiment of the original track, but also, some of the language can seem unclear and easily be mistaken for the “Let’s Go Brandon!” type bullshit. Plus, since writing the original version in 2017, the DNC has of course become even more insufferable, and I’ve also picked up a better vocabulary to encapsulate that. I mean, I didn't go $25k into debt for a political science degree for nothing. Honestly, I mostly did that because my lawyer said going to college was my best defense in court to avoid jail time, but the hidden benefit is how pretentious it makes my music sound.
The one I was dreading the most was probably a Song for Bob, because I knew I wanted it to sound different, and to just, pop more in the vocals, but I also don’t sound the same anymore. Like, in a very literal sense. That track was recorded in 2017 or 2018, and 7 years later now I just sound different. I got creative with layering instead, took a lot of advice from Deadstring Audio on that, and had a friend drop some harmonies. Even changing the instrumentals at times helped, like during the stripped down chorus with the chimes. It didn’t have the chimes in the original and that was an attempt to change how the vocals came across, which personally, for me, really works. Listening to the two side by side, I think the vocals sound a million times better now despite not having the ability to re-record anything. Or maybe it sucks to everyone except for me but that’s fine too.
Why do you, and everything you’ve ever done, suck so hard?
Brian: I blame upper management. Due to my prior employment with Antifa Inc., quality suffered when George Soros took over as CEO. It’s a big part of why I chose to re-release this album on my own label, which is fully independent and runs on grant money from the Zohran Mamdami mayoral campaign fund and also from Hamas.
Where were you on January 6th, 2021?
Brian: Awaiting my sentencing hearing for an unrelated crime.
Where were you on September 20th, 2019 when the raid on Area 51 took place?
Brian: I am not comfortable with this question and would have appreciated prior warning that this topic would be rehashed. To clarify, on record, now for the third time, I have never engaged in any kind of sexual activity with an extra terrestrial being and will no longer be answering questions of this nature in interviews going forward.
Where were you on September 11th, 2001?
Brian: Fucking an alien.
Wow, yes, this is all so fascinating, indeed. Now, Brian, tell me The Bad News.
Brian: The Bad News is that Bob has taken over America. Bob is a fascist. Bob is a no-good, scumbag prick. Our movement is a retaliation against Pastor Bob and his American Taliban. Which, in retrospect, seems to confuse a lot of people since we named our band that. We talked about that already. Think of the name like it’s the title of a movie, I guess. Like, Tony Soprano isn’t the good guy but the show is still about him…so it’s called The Sopranos. Right? I don’t know, man. Better yet, just stop thinking about it altogether. It’s folk punk. The name is dope as hell and also Bob sucks. The Bad News is that Bob sucks and I wrote an album about it.
Now that you’re rich and famous and super tall and muscular due to the insane success of “King of The Ooze”, what are you going to do with all your billions of dollars?
Brian: I’m trying to appeal to multiple audiences right now so I think I’m gonna donate half to Turning Point USA and give the other half to Tyler Robinson. Or maybe I could phone in Mr. Beast for a collab and see if he’ll make them fight over the money in a Beast-style challenge. It really just depends on how much money I have left after giving the appropriate amount to Israel.
I was partially involved in your music video for “A Song for Bob”, do you have any other music videos planned? Or any ideas you’ve been throwing around?
Brian: Is this your subtle way of asking me if I’m going to propose terrorizing you with another music video?
Nah, I can’t speak to that yet. We’ve got some big ideas in the works and I don’t want to jinx anything or misdirect anyone too early on. That said, I can promise you that whatever route we take will lead to increased pain and suffering specially for you.
Will PB&TAT come to Brazil?
Brian: Absolutely.
Has anyone ever told you that Fish Zoo is a better band than PB&TAT? It’s not true, but I just want to make sure no one has ever said that to you.
Brian: I actually say those exact words every morning. I just stare into the mirror sobbing and telling myself that I’ll never be Fish Zoo. It’s part of my morning routine and it keeps me humble.
In all seriousness, what else is new and exciting for PB&TAT and what’s the next move?
Brian: You know, we’ve actually already started working on the next LP and honestly, I think that album is going to really surprise people. The new songs we’ve teased at shows, or previewed to friends…they’ve really seemed to exceed the expectations people have for what this project can be. I love making people laugh, and that’s at the core of what we do, but these new tracks combine that approach with some sincerity that has resonated with people on a much deeper level. I’m excited to bring that energy into our live shows and catalog.
In the meantime, we’ll be working on bringing King of the Ooze to life on the stage and building a community around this persona we’ve built at our shows. It’s hard to describe if you haven’t caught us yet, but we’ve Frankensteined this mixture of punk rock, stand-up comedy, and theatre that really highlights what makes our album King of the Ooze so special. Like, it’s a fun album to listen to, right? But I think where it really shines is in a live setting in a room full of your friends…or strangers who will inevitably become your friends after you’ve all slow-danced, mimed water sports, and confessed your sins live onstage. It’s really a communal sort of thing and highlighting that is going to be our priority for the remainder of this release cycle.
We’re encroaching on the end of this interview; as always, now is your time to share your peace, spread your message, object to any weddings, and shout out whoever you want!
Brian: I have this acquaintance named Arlington who recently got engaged. I don’t think he should get married. No offense, but he isn’t that likable and he has a dumb name so I think there is a good chance she is after his money. I said that to him and he told me she makes more than him, but he’s not factoring in that if he liquidated his Nintendo DS and Gameboy collection, he would probably be able to buy Microsoft. I just don’t trust her.
Shoutout to…
Sean from CD-ROM Rabbithole for sharing the bad news, editing and distributing our music video, and for being the first artist to release an official cover of one of our songs. Shoutout “A Song for Bob” by Strangeness in Proportion.
Monique Coyote for responding to my messages sent at 3 AM asking if they are capable of quoting me for a flyer and having it made in the next 3-5 minutes when we’re asked to fill in on shows that start in 11 hours.
Casey Babb for being the coolest artist in KC, and responsible for all of our album art, single art, and recent graphic design related to the album drop.
Deadstring Audio for being the raddest KC producer who worked some serious magic for us and was incredibly patient with my crippling OCD.
Quincy, Ivan, Manny, Erin, Adriana, Sturge, Frankie, and several anonymous voice actors for bringing their skills and personalities to the table.
Lucas for selling our merch and making us pasta once.
The PB&TAT Venereal Vocal Ensemble and Instrumental Ensemble, chock-full of anonymous musicians who filled this album with personality and life.
Sturge (The Rat God) and Frankenstein, my new bandmates and friends, for bringing their skill, passion, and time to PB&TAT. Next time we catch up, you’ll be interviewing a three-piece, or maybe even four.
It’s been a pleasure to have you again on our live, televised late-night talk show. That is Brian Bartels, our musical guest was PB&Jelly, wait hold on…PB&TAT, you can find their deluxe album HERE! I have been DVD Lion Den, this has been a CD-ROM Rabbit Hole (a subsidiary of Viacom), and you’ve been a wonderful audience tonight! Find more from PB&TAT HERE!
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