"Homie Bologna" by Fish Zoo (Review)

It has been nearly seven months since I last reviewed any music from Fish Zoo.  However, it has not felt like seven months.  It has felt like milliseconds and full lifetimes and eternities simultaneously.  Fish Zoo has cursed my pure thoughts; every waking second I am consumed by disgust and hatred for this musical group.  I wish I could turn back time and prevent myself from ever writing that review.  But some things can’t be undone.  This horrible, steaming, offensive, degenerate, blasphemous, disgraceful, raunchy, aquatic pile of fish shit album has been in the works since 2021, and now, at the very beginning of their fifth anniversary year, we are finally devastated to hear what they’ve been cooking up.  Spoiler alert:  it’s terrible!  The album “Homie Bologna” by Fish Zoo was released on January 5th, 2026.  The opening track of the album “I Hate Fish Zoo!” was already covered by CD-ROM Rabbit Hole (against our will and better judgment) so we won’t be reopening that rancid, moldy can of fish food.  

Laundry Room Threesome: 

The second track on this album was the first ever single released by critically-panned and universally hated band Fish Zoo.  This single was officially released on November 29th, 2021.  It has not stood the test of time.  This is the first and only song we got from Fish Zoo for many years, and everyone started to believe they were dead in the water.  But no, they were just sleeping with the fishes (which, in context relating to Fish Zoo, has an entirely different connotation than the one we are mostly familiar with…)  This song really emphasises the horribly insufficient musicianship and songwriting abilities from everyone involved.  This song has a deep sense of DIY values while having been recorded at a high-end, million dollar recording studio.  Would you believe me if I told you that this song alone cost the band 4.7 million (this includes recording costs AND legal fees)?  No wonder Fish Zoo was MIA for so long.  Fish Zoo has spent the last four years creating fraudulent GoFundMe pages disguising as various different minority groups, begging for money for various different reasons, but it was all under the guise to get enough funds to finish recording the rest of this album.  I hope you are all happy that your tax dollars are going to Israel and Fish Zoo.  The most profound sentence Fish Zoo has ever uttered is “I’ve been jerking off just to fall asleep.”  

Baja Blast Blues: 

This song singlehandedly plummeted Taco Bell stock and killed the actor who voiced Sheen in Jimmy Neutron.  Seriously, look it up, it’s true.  Fish Zoo should be tried for murder and treason and WHEN (not “if”) found guilty, they should be burned at the stake and sent to a hibachi restaurant.  The song opens with Sir William speaking into the mic “Of the parts, I don’t think it’s entirely necessary I time it perfectly, but…” and he was wrong.  It WAS entirely necessary that he timed it perfectly.  It is literally music.  Music is all about timing.  I can’t believe these fucking amateurs.  There are points in this song where Sir William sounds like a dying sea lion.  There are points in this song where Sir William triggers my fight or flight and I think I’m back in SeaWorld circa 2006, personally fighting off every endangered species of underwater vermin.  The opening vocals state that one or more of the members of Fish Zoo have thirty-thousand dollars worth of student loans, which is incredible because that implies that one or more of the members of Fish Zoo have stepped foot on a college campus, and that just doesn’t sit well with me.  We should pass a bill that allows student loan forgiveness for everyone EXCEPT Fish Zoo, and I’m willing to die on that hill.  

Me, My Milf, And I:

I don’t even know where to begin with whatever the fuck happened to this track.  It is legitimately baffling how bad of a song this is, if you can even call it a “song”.  This song is meaningless in every sense of the word and this song is also terrorism in every sense of the word.  If you will humor me, please imagine 9/11.  Okay, now, on 9/11/01, two planes flew into the Twin Towers in NYC.  Now take that premise, and replace the airplanes with this song, and replace the Twin Towers with my two ears.  Get it, now?  I hope that clears up any potential confusion about my thoughts and feelings on this song.  NYC (my brain and soul) will never be the same after this unbelievable attack.  It starts with an absolutely unbearable screeching sound with the audio clip of a man screaming “TOM BRADY, IMMA FUCK YOUR WIFE!” repeatedly.  So, yeah.  And then it gets even better, because the whole song is about being an incel.  Absolutely fantastic.  I hate this band, I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate everything that has brought me to this moment right now.  Nearing the end of the song, some dude starts screaming some shit about “why’d you put me in the friend zone?” and “I’ve got a hundred podcast followers.”  It’s absolutely insane.  I can’t even fathom that someone would allow these people to exist in our society for so long.  Fish Zoo needs to be exterminated.  AND ANOTHER THING: this song has NOTHING to do with MILFs, nothing WHATSOEVER.  

Platonic Piss Video:

At the halfway point of the album, we have our first “sad song”.  Track five is an acoustic track with a nasty, crazy, disgusting melodica solo that literally made me incontinent (derogatory).  This dude is just crying in the mic and jerking off with his guitar about some girl that sent him a video of her peeing.  I hope this girl has improved upon her life and no longer associates with any of the members of Fish Zoo.  More incel ideology and misogynistic objectification of women in this song, which is no surprise for this band.  There really isn’t much to say about this one, it’s simply four-and-a-half minutes of the same chords, the same whiney ass vocals, and the same goddamn melodica.  This song sucks.  Fish Zoo tried to get sappy on us and it didn’t work.  

Fish Zoo PSA:

Track six is the album interlude, just a quick warning and political awareness of what is to come.  We all need to come together and be the change we want to see.  

Ringo Patrick Star (Slimmy Jimbo):

I’m getting notes from our producers right now that members of Fish Zoo have apparently reported that “this song used to be titled ‘Ringo Patrick Star (Slimmy Jimbo): Fireworks by Katy Perry’ in full.”  So if you ever needed more of a reason to hate Fish Zoo, there you go.  This song is all about erectile dysfunction and, I dunno, probably more incel stuff, if we’re being honest.  This song defiles Spongebob and talks about being a Slim Jim condom, or whatever.  In no way, shape, or form did Ringo Starr have any influence on Fish Zoo whatsoever; it makes me SICK!  This song is entirely about erectile dysfunction and the tolls it takes on an incel’s fragile masculinity.  Don’t get me wrong, we can all relate to a little erectile dysfunction, but that DOESN’T mean we need a song about it; especially not one titled “Ringo Patrick Star”.  Knowing the lyrical content of this song, it really makes me rethink my assumptions of what “Slimmy Jimbo” is in reference to, and I’ve unfortunately come to the conclusion that a “slimmy jimbo” is slang for SATAN’S PHALLUS.  The inevitable rapture will not be kind to Fish Zoo.  

Dollar Bill Paper Airplanes:

OH GREAT! Another song about objectifying women!  This song tries to masquerade as a deeper, nuanced look at the thoughts and feelings of sex-workers, but actually just does irreparable damage to their community as a whole.  Of course a guy like Shaggy Pigeonface would fall in love with the first stripper that talks to him, but for him to think that a stripper would ever fall for a stinky man like himself, that’s beyond delusional.  What’s even worse, is Sir William Esquire HAD to know this was irrational behavior, but he still let it happen.  Not only is this a terrible band, but it’s also a toxic, unhinged, terrible group of friends.  I hope this poor girl, Kassidy, is doing well and never has to deal with another dollar bill paper airplane being thrown at her ever again.  To clarify, if she enjoys being a dancer, that’s awesome and totally okay, I hope she makes thousands of dollars every night.  What I am saying is, I hope the members of Fish Zoo are permanently banned from any and all establishments she works in.  I sincerely hope she has filed restraining orders against each and every one of them.  The lyrics establish that the narrator paid $150 in exchange for a pretty woman to sit on his lap; is it safe to assume that the members of Fish Zoo did not offer any sort of tip on top of the standard fee?  What we DO know is that Fish Zoo is in crippling credit card debt due to their overuse of strip club ATMs, and that the singer enjoys getting erect with his homies.  This, paired with the erectile dysfunction themes of “Ringo Patrick Star”, we might be onto something about how these characters are only capable of activating boners whilst in crowded rooms.  I don’t know what this means, but I will be contacting NASA.  

Angry Bionicle Breakup:

Finally, Fish Zoo allowed for some diversity on this album.  They let the ONE gay, nonbinary member write and perform a song, and guess what!  It’s the best one.  With soft, defeated vocals hummed over the melancholy acoustic guitar, we get a deeply emotional track that compares the impermanence of love and relationships to the permanence of a tattoo.  The ink stains skin just like a person can stain a heart, and like pins and needles in your entire body, you will never be able to feel beyond this pain.  The band even pulled their shit together long enough to contribute a really beautiful chorus of vocals for the end of the song.  You can even hear Sir William struggling to keep the shit from spewing out his mouth into the microphone.  A very fascinating display of what positives can come when Fish Zoo decides to shut the fuck up and actually write something from the heart.  Oh, hold on, I’m getting a message right now from my producer that says “Natty Ice claims this was a filler song and they wrote it in two minutes.”  But regardless, dare I say…is it maybe possible that…I’m falling in love with Fish Zoo?  I feel the hatred lifting out of my soul, I am discovering a new clarity in life.  I have been writing this review from the garage while my car has been running, but that shouldn’t be a factor in my newfound love for Fish Zoo.  

Vape & Josh (Egg Allergy Explanation):

This one is really interesting.  After the emotional lowpoint of “Angry Bionicle Breakup” we have a song that blows the rest of the full-band music out of the water.  “Vape & Josh” has a sick guitar riff that repeats about a hundred times, and Shaggy Pigeonface returns to sing this one, so we got quite a break from Sir William’s vocals.  This song is all about living in your own filth.  The lyrics leave a bit to be desired, but I really fuck with this horribly energy, actually.  This song is fast and sung in a monotone style, but somehow it isn’t boring as shit, it’s actually pretty cool.  Haven’t we all forgotten to change our socks for over two weeks?  One time in high school, a kid told me he was trying out for the Guinness world record for longest time without showering.  I don’t know if he’s still alive or not.  I never did learn if he got the world record.  Anyway, this one is a banger.  There’s actually a deeply introspective aspect to this song, if you know the lore.  Sir William Esquire was diagnosed as a newborn baby at a very young age that he had an egg allergy.  Now, this might seem comical to those who haven’t experienced the pain of a loved one with an egg allergy, but Sir William has fought tirelessly to uncover the truth, and a cure, for egg allergies.  Bafflingly, Sir William eats foods that were made with eggs all the time.  He is quite the connoisseur of various cakes.  But somehow, the eggs that went into making the cake batter have no effect over Sir William.  Some people say he’s super human, some people claim he has built up a tolerance, other people have been yelling that egg allergies don’t exist.  Well, here at CD-ROM Rabbit Hole, we know the truth.  I commend the band for wearing their hearts on their sleeve and doing their due diligence to spread awareness for such a horrible disease.  This is even worse than when Disney Channel taught us about Nick Jonas having diabetes.  It takes great courage to share your vulnerable story, and I, for one, salute you, Fish Zoo.  

The Dog Dies At The End:

We solemnly approach the finale of “Homie Bologna” by Fish Zoo, and we end on a track that will tug at your heartstrings.  There is a little bit of lyrical confusion in this song, but we’ll unpack that momentarily.  This song is about a breakup, but also about the world-famous book and movie “Marley & Me”.  Now, my confusion is, some of these lyrics seem to heavily personify the “you” being mentioned, and it really feels like a human relationship that has come to an end.  However, the song is also indisputably about a dog named Marley.  I want to present this information cautiously and gently, but…is there a chance that one, or all, of the members of Fish Zoo have had intercourse with a dog?  I do love Fish Zoo, and I would walk to the end of the earth to defend Fish Zoo, but I do think it’s a bit odd that they may or may not be fucking dogs.  However, because I am now Fish Zoo’s #1 fan, I will assume that sex with dogs is not the moral center of this song.  But, yeah that’s pretty much it. 

This album is unbelievably remarkable, extraordinary, and mind-blowing.  From start to finish, I enjoyed every single second of this album, it just took me a little bit to realize it.  Fish Zoo 4ever.  Check out all their links HERE!

(https://linktr.ee/fishzoo )

*Edit: my house immediately burned down after I published this review.